It's Time

I started this blog just about a year ago. My intention was to let this be a place my family and friends could visit to keep up with the Swanson Family. I named it Nine Mile Hike because two of the best days of my life were spent doing just that - hiking on a nine mile round trip in the Sierras. And my hope was to bring our daughter along on the next one, and the next one, and the one after that. One year later things are very different. Events have taken place that I never imagined, and certainly couldn't have prepared for. I am in the middle of a divorce, raising a one-year-old, and trying to get my bearings. A friend recently helped me put my finger on how this feels. It's as if my compass is broken. I'm still moving, but I can't seem to figure out which direction I'm going. More and more I realize that this can be a good thing. A chance to start over. A chance to try again. A chance to get it right next time.

It hasn't been easy getting here, but I'm here. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, rinse, repeat. Acceptance was the hard part - is the hard part. What I've learned is that being waist-deep in this and finding my way out has given me an amazing opportunity to rediscover myself. It has also taught me how valuable friends are, and how much strength they can give you. I have wonderful people in my life who have helped me in so many ways. Some have talked to me on the phone for hours. Some have taken me out on the town. Some have opened their door to me. And some have just sat and cried with me.

I don't know what my future will be, but one thing is certain. I have a bright, happy, and, dare I say, brilliant daughter with whom I get to share that future. She has gotten me through my darkest days and always has a smile for me, even when I am looking at her through tears. It won't always be easy, but it will always be worth it.