Snow Day

Sidney enjoyed her first snow day today. Aunt Jan had a lovely fire burning when we got home, but all Sid wanted to do was go outside. She put up a little fight with the snowsuit, but once outside, she really enjoyed herself for a little while. She wasn't sure about walking in the snow at first, but you can see that she got the hang of it. Soon after she cleared her path, she was done. It looks like we'll be home again tomorrow, at least for a little while, which is great considering temperatures are in the single digits tonight!

Hi, I'm 16 Months Old!

I learned two things after taking Sidney's latest chair picture. 1. Don't try to take the picture while her cousins are here. They all have way too much fun together and she won't sit still. 2. I need a better camera.

Sidney is adjusting well to her new surroundings. She still sleeps well, she still smiles all the time, and she loves spending time with her cousins. She is doing really well in her school, she's starting to talk more and more, and she's so close to running. You would never know that she's had so many things change in her life in the past month. What a kid!

Greetings from Albuquerque

I’m here. I made it. Months of contemplation and weeks of planning have led me here to my new home in Albuquerque. It took me a long time to admit to myself that my life was not going to go back to the way it was. I needed to realize that for myself. It didn’t matter what advice I was given or how certain others felt about my situation. I had to move on and I had to do it someplace else and I had to come to that realization in my own time. I moved to California with certain intentions which no longer existed. It was time to make a new life for myself on my terms.

I’ve had some tough days during the past year and the day I left my house was certainly one of the toughest. I walked out of an empty house thinking about all the plans I had made for it when I moved in during the Summer of 2009. I had no idea that all those plans would be blown away on a chilly December night only six months later. What was once a warm and inviting home for me to raise my daughter had become a place of lies and broken promises and humiliation. I didn’t want to live there anymore knowing all the secrets that were shared behind my back.

So, it’s time for me to put the past behind me and move forward. I have a wonderful, caring family who have helped me settle in to my new surroundings with ease. I have a good job with friendly, helpful people who have welcomed me warmly. I found a great daycare for my daughter and she seems to be settling in nicely. My parents were right there for me and Sidney through packing, moving, traveling, unpacking and settling in. I hope they know how much I appreciate all they did for me.

I am hopeful about my future and my daughter’s future. I am certain I made the right decision to move here and I haven’t regretted it for a moment. I look forward to meeting new people and finding good restaurants and buying a house and taking Sidney to new places. I’ve got a list of road trips I want to take with her when she’s old enough to enjoy them.

I know I still have some healing to do and some anger and sadness to deal with, but I have a lot of dark days already behind me. I can look back and realize how far I’ve come in my healing over the past year, and be proud of myself.

Hi, I'm 15 months old!

I love this picture of Sidney being her usual silly self!

How do you like my polka dots?

Three Weeks To Go

After today, I will have three weeks of work left here in California. This morning, I was looking out the office window at the beautiful mountains north of L.A. and realized how much I will miss that view. It's especially lovely today - no smog, snow on Mount Baldy, and a clear view of the Hollywood sign and downtown L.A. You may have heard me say that I can take or leave L.A., but I love California. I have really grown attached over the past seven plus years and I know I will miss it terribly. There are amazing places within a day's drive of here and I didn't get to visit as many as I would have liked.

For some reason, though, I don't feel as sad as I thought I would. Perhaps it's because it hasn't hit me yet, or, hopefully, it is because I am very comfortable with my decision to leave. In addition, I have recently realized how lucky I am. No, not because I had divorce thrown at me like a Randy Johnson fastball, but because I am more prepared for this than some people are. I'm not a woman who has been solely dependent on her husband. I have a college education, I have a great job, and I have a substantial support system of family and friends. Each of these things is coming with me. Some people lose a great deal more in divorces.

But I am making some trades. I am trading California for New Mexico. I am trading my 5th floor office with a view for another 5th floor office with a view. I am trading the Santa Monica and San Gabriel mountains for the Sandias and Manzanos. I am trading my house for rooming with Aunt Janet and Uncle Joe. And I am trading some very good friends for family. This is the toughest trade of all - the perfect definition of bittersweet.

Will it be tough to walk out of my office on December 17? Yes. Will it break my heart to walk out of my house on December 21? Yes. Will I cry saying goodbye to my friends? Absolutely. But it will feel so good to hit the road with Sidney and my parents and head East to my new home and a new life.

What a difference a month makes

Reading my last post from October 10, I realize just how much has happened in a few short weeks. Back then, I was depressed about selling my house and nervous about moving without a job. I knew the time was right for a change, though. I have had almost a year to decide what to do for me and Sidney, and I had never wanted to make a snap decision.

I was very upset when I put my house on the market, but that turned out to be a major turning point. Everything started to come together after that. I had offers on the house within a week and an accepted offer within three. It's not a completely done deal yet, but it looks good. Then, with the help of some very supportive management, I was given an opportunity to keep my job and work from my company's offices in Albuquerque. I can't quite explain how I felt when that was offered to me. I felt like crying in my director's office right then and there. To be able to move with a job is one thing, but to keep the one I am familiar with is quite a gift indeed.

One thing the past year has taught me is that I have so many people in my life who love me and care about me. I don't know what I would have done without my mom and dad to call whenever I need them. Aunt Janet and Uncle Joe have offered their home to me and Sid while we get settled in Albuquerque, and they've even offered to babysit! (Is it possible that I'll finally be able to go out for dinner to a place that doesn't have highchairs?) My managers at work did not want to lose me and made this job transfer a reality. I've had people all over the country praying for us or sending positive thoughts across the miles. I even had a women's prayer group in Connecticut supporting us!

So, with all that in place I can concentrate on my future. I am butterflies-in-my-tummy excited about living near family. Sidney will get to grow up with some of her cousins, and so will I!! To top it off, Albuquerque is such a beautiful place. I have always enjoyed visiting, and can hardly believe I'll be living there in just over a month. I am excited about all the things me and Sidney will do there, and I'm looking forward to making a new home for us.

There is a lot to do between now and then, but it all seems so easy now. I have always held stress in my shoulders, and for the past several months I have felt like my shoulders were up near my ears with tightness. I noticed this morning with a smile that the tightness is gone. For the first time in almost a year, I feel like my compass is working again. I know where I am and I know where I am going and I know it is right.

Hi, I'm 14 months old!

Within the past month, Sidney has gone from wobbly steps to practically running around. It's all happening so fast, but everyone says that. She's also saying some words: apple, ball, bath, up, uh-oh, and a few others. This is getting more and more fun everyday!!